The most-oft representations of Jesus Christ (the Northern European interpretation) depict a rather sorrowful, sullen, and self-absorbed individual. Jesus seems not to be a laughing kind of guy. The Buddha laughs and I'm almost certain that Hercules (as portrayed by Steve Reeves in those Italian "sword & sandals" epics) would laugh, smile, hug his buddies (swoon), and whatnot. And Hercules is on the exact same level as Jesus — begotten by god to a mortal woman. Hercules actually performed some feats in his lifetime whereas Jesus seemed capable of only pulling off some rather tawdry parlor tricks like the kind of things Penn and Teller  manage with much more panache. I mean really... Jesus couldn't even muster up the power to magic his way out of being crucified, and that "he died for our sins" excuse for his lameness is ridiculous. Even Moses, who was only a prophet, parted the Red Sea. Jesus died because he was a political dissident, a heretic, and because of a furious ex-boyfriend. That is if you believe any of the "historical" evidence (HA!). Personally, I think his character was an amalgamation of notable nuts of the period. All of the known scriptures were written at least fifty years after his death... but, whatever. The P.R. team that put this messiah together did a pretty brilliant although ultimately horrifying job.

Anyway, I thought perhaps drawing a cheerful Jesus Christ might encourage some of the faithful to imitate their savior (although generally that seems not to be a priority with the more virulent strain of christians) and try being pleasant every once in a while... because Jesus was happy sometimes... at least in my rendition. Of course to make him recognizable to the churchies, I had to make him "Caucasian" (extraordinarily white for a guy who lived outdoors in a desert — the nuts can't even tolerate a tan). Although, the blond-haired, blue-eyed standard was definitely a bridge too far. Had I been trying for some kind of accuracy, the Jesus here would look like Charlie Manson with an ethnic overlay from Guyana and unleavened bread in the basket. You'd imagine that I'd give him a more upbeat background color, but who am I to argue with the Old Masters? Muddy green is the best color to show off a halo. It's just a fact. Hahaha!!! I employed a "decal" approach to the blessed, bleeding, burning heart which is a pretty ghoulish (but anatomically hilarious) thing to expose to anyone. As a matter of fact, I'm not even sure who in the cast of likely characters was the lucky recipient of this not-very-charming manifestation. I'm sure they were duly impressed.

So, here we have Jesus Christ with his aquiline nose and healthy teeth and recently-shampooed hair doing a little "pre-miracle" shopping, and he says, "Hey!" to someone because he's friendly. He likes people. He's having fun at the market. He's not scolding anyone or trying to recruit them or telling them that they'll burn in the fiery lakes of hell for eternity for some trumped-up infraction. He's saying "Hey!" because it's a nice thing to do. This is a Jesus that loves humankind... all of it, the whores, drunks, apostates, fornicators, dullards, beggars, the other faggots, and everyone else who just enjoys this marvelous thing called "life." Maybe those obnoxious, "persecuted," bilious, christian warriors will attempt to emulate my version of Jesus and just smile, wave, and say "Hey!" Then, keep on walking. If only.